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Tuesday, September 28, 2004

I have given a name to my pain, and it is T-SQL

Its been a while since I've had a rant, so I'm making up for it now.
I've spent the whole of this working day on one problem and Im still at square one.

SQL Server 2000. It's a nifty piece of kit. Allows you to set up and administer lots of multi-user databases.

Why, oh why does it have a query language that seems like it's written in 1978.

I thought this morning that it would be a really good idea to write a function that takes a patient code from one database, and retrieve the patient's Date of Birth from a database on another server. Really, really simple. Easy peasy. No.

There is no logic to T-SQL syntax whatsoever. If any of you have used ADO in conjunction with another language, at least it provides you with some sort of method to its mayhem.

So now I'm sitting here at 16:11, comptemplating a workaround. The bane of any developer. If you worked around all of life's
problems you'd never learn anything.

After spending the last four hourse searching Google I have come to the following conclusions:

1) Nobody has ever had the same development problems as myself
2) Any helpful information is only available if I pay or sign up to a
lifetime's supply of junk mail.
3) My problem solving methodology (the way I write code) sucks.
4) I should be writing shopping cart e-commerce web sites.

Rant complete.

Thursday, September 23, 2004

The Dialectizer

I converted the bbc news site to redneck. Cat Stevens became Houn'Dog Stevens and none of Dubya Bush's speeches changed.

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

DeadBrain - The Invasion of the Chav

Hmmm.. don't think they're quite up there with Al-Queda......


As pointed out by Scott Mills on Radio 1. Type Chav in the search box....

Monday, September 20, 2004

BBC NEWS | Education | Gangs who fail exams on purpose

It appears the Chav subculture may be self inflicted....

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

Cecimoz: The Chavhemian Rhapsody!

Stuff you've overheard

Ever been in a packed bus or train and overheard a conversation you felt you really didn't need to hear?


I honestly can't think of a comment for this one.

Whatever happened to Corey Haim?

Inspired by the single by "The Thrills" I did a little hunting. For the thoroughly confused, Corey was one of the eighties Hollywood brat pack (along with Corey Feldman). The only film I remember him in was the 80s-cheese-vampire classic "The Lost Boys".

Friday, September 03, 2004


The Independent gives us the essential Bush statistics....


And I thought take aways from our kebab shops were hazardous....

Thursday, September 02, 2004


A band that covers Beatles songs in the style of Metallica.
No, really.

Pleasanton Real Estate, Chuck and Loretta Aydelotte, serving Dublin, Livermore, San Ramon and Tri-Valley areas

This was worth a chuckle. Check out the outside views through the windows.

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

How to Fold a Shirt

There is hope for the male species yet :)
Still haven't got the hang of the funky tuck she did....

Microsoft's multicultural missteps / Company offends foreign countries with software gaffes

"Microsoft has also managed to upset women and entire countries. A Spanish- language version of Windows XP, destined for Latin American markets, asked users to select their gender between "not specified," "male" or "bitch," because of an unfortunate error in translation. "